Interpersonal

(image via AmberElizabethArt)

People are a huge component in anyone’s life, whether they like it or not. From the moment you’re born to the day you die, unless you go live in the mountains as a hermit, you’re bound to be around people almost the whole time. Which people you keep in your life can change what sort of person you grow into.

I’ve made some mistakes in regards to this that have irrevocably changed my life. I’m sure there were positive changes, too, but I see the negative ones way more – as you do.

One such example comes from my grade twelve year of high school. I dated this person (despite feelings I had for someone else at the time…but that’s not the point I wanted to elaborate on) who turned out to be extremely toxic and draining, eventually dragging me down into depression along with them to the point of ruining my school year. I literally didn’t graduate on time, and even after I got my diploma the next year I lost out on the chance to go to university. I’ll not get into all that or I’ll just be bitching.

Besides screwing up my education, this person also changed me personally. I became less trusting and lost a lot of my compassion for the suffering of others – or compassion for others in general, actually – which has changed how I interact and socialise now.

That’s an interesting point because it contradicts my empathy, which is extremely strong. How can a person be very empathic but at the same time lack compassion? I don’t have an answer for you just yet, Future Liam, but that’s what I’ve found myself to be.

But it makes me wonder, too, if I am really myself. Maybe I’m just a collage of all the things I’ve become because of various people, maybe I lost myself at a young age? No, even then I was coloured by the people around me, my sisters. I changed myself to be like them. Have I lost my true self, or do all these bits and pieces make up my self? They do say that you are built up of experiences. I suppose that’s who I am, then. I am my experiences.

Not sure I’m happy with that, to be honest. I’m going to have to find new experiences to shape me how I’d like.

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2 Replies to “Interpersonal”

  1. Withdrawing your compassion is self defense. That you reflect on your experiences and don’t decide to be bitter or mean, shows a maturity beyond your years.
    I am very thankful you chose to be a part of my life.
    I believe you to be an extraordinary soul. Who you are becoming is extremely interesting!

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