I’m having another down day. It’s rainy and beautiful outside, so you’d think that might cheer me up, but it isn’t. I had a weird dream last night that stuck with me after waking up, and despite sleeping 8 or 9 hours I’m tired.
Instead of going on about having a down day, I’m going to share my dream with you.
I don’t remember much of the beginning. I think I was hanging out with my best friend and for whatever reason, I decided to check my bank balance. I saw that she had purchased something on Amazon or whatever that was $350 using my card, so I got upset and started shouting about how I don’t have $350 to spend on the camera or whatever it was.
There was no resolution to that bit, instead just jumping ahead to me being in my backyard.
It was the shape and size of the backyard at one of the places I grew up in, with about half an acre of land, but it was all hilly and covered in rocks and stuff. I think there was a tree at the back. About two-thirds of the way out on the right side there was a broken gap in the fence that led down a forested trail that sloped down to a creek and kept going. It was distinctively cloudy, wet weather and all the plants and such were wet.
There was a guy in the backyard who broke in (probably via the broken fence) and somehow I knew he was trying to kill me. I had a random board or plank of some sort that I tried to hit him with but it was pathetically ineffective. That frustrating dream phenomenon of feeling extra weak and slow, like running through molasses. So that wasn’t working and he was going to kill me if I didn’t do something to stop him. I remembered this technique that apparently my mom taught me (this is gruesome, just warning you) where I use my fingers and scoop out his eyeball and if I crushed it in my hand that would instantly kill him. So I did that and the guy was dead.
I was then back in my bedroom and I had this feeling of anxiety knotting in my belly because I knew I had to leave right away. I had this little suitcase on wheels and I was going about my room deciding what was the most important stuff to bring with me and then I would take it and go down that trail by the creek and I’d have to find somewhere to live. For some reason, this was my only way of leaving the property.
Then I woke up. Within the dream, that is. I was extremely upset and shaking, almost crying, because of the vivid sensation of what I did to the guy. The feeling of holding the eye and the pop of crushing it. I was rushing down the stairs to go find my mom and she happened to be on her way up the stairs so we stopped in the middle. I hugged her and told her what happened in my dream (within this dream) and she said that was really curious because she just now had to kill a diseased stray cat the same way. In real life, I would never react like that over a dream – or most things. I’m not a fan of big displays of emotion.
Then I woke up for real.
This is the first dream I’ve remembered in quite a while, and it’s a fucking weird one.