I recently dyed and then cut my hair, as you likely know if you’ve seen either my Facebook or Instagram page. If you did know that then you probably also know that I instantly regretted cutting my lovely long locks off.
I’ve always had this kind of problem with any decisions I make – I change my mind constantly. That’s why this blog is much newer than it should be, considering I’ve been blogging for almost ten years. I got bored of the name of the last one and wanted to start over. I’ve gone through more than half a dozen blogs the same way, along with usernames. I try to rebrand myself over and over again.
I’m always scared to cut my hair for the same reason. I get bored of it being long and want it short again so I spend an excruciatingly long time carefully trimming it to the length I want. Then I look at my reflection and my new hair and I don’t like it. I start to hate everything about what I’ve done and I just want a reset button. Letting it grow out is torturous, too, because I have to constantly fight the urge to make a quick change and cut it again.
There’s probably a deep message hidden in this somewhere about how this is me trying to find my identity, but it doesn’t feel that glamorous. It just feels restless. I can’t trust my own preferences and I’m not happy with my decisions.
I know I’ll probably grow out of this feeling and I’ll miss these days where I’m still figuring myself out. The curse of being young is that you can’t appreciate being young until it’s too late. Such is life.